The 8 Female Orgasms: #5 The Anal Orgasm

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Anal orgasm?! Omg, is this even possible? I know it’s a bit of a delicate topic for some of you, but definitely worth looking into, I promise!

The Christian influence on Western society has left some nasty effects on how we view sex today. Especially as anal sex was a dangerous sin in the past and it has remained  hush-hush till today. In many traditions it’s still a no-go. Although the anus has been a part of our sexual instinct since humankind has existed.

But actually anal sex is on the rise; in a National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior by the University of Zagreb they found that 40-45 percent of young women and men had tried anal sex. That’s around 10-15 percent more than 20 years ago.

Anal sex seems for many a black and white thing. Either you hate it, or you can’t get enough of it. For some the combination of anal sex and orgasm can never ever go together. For others it’s a no brainer. There are women who can only have an orgasm through anal sex. As Naomi Wolf says in her book, Vagina, we are all wired differently. To find out if you are the more anal type you’ll need to give it a chance, especially if you’ve never tried it before.

To get ready for anal sex it has to start in your own mind.

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Most important rules for successful anal sex

Communication: Talk about your fears openly. Decide on the process and how you are going to do it. (e.g. what kind of foreplay, warm up, etc)

Trust: It’s the basis for anal sex. If you trust you can relax which is key here.

Slowness: Take it real slooowly. Take enough time for warming up. Maybe have even vaginal sex, to get into the mood. Penetrate very slowly!

Wash then nibble. You’ll have to feel clean in order to be able to relax. Our biggest fear is to hit the shit. Which is totally understandable. To feel physically and mentally clean we can use an enema bulb, which is great for cleaning the anus. And for extra mental cleanliness a condom does wonders to get rid of the shitty thought factor. There are even finger condoms, for warming up.

Lube it smooth. There cannot be too much lubrication in anal sex (avoid desensitizing and numbing gels).

Relax.  Easier said than done, I know. The anus is one of our strongest muscles, so relaxing this one is definitely not easy but with practice you’ll become master.

Breathe it through. Breathing deeply in and out will help you with the relaxing part.

Recommended Toys

Anal pleasure is best approached gently! Toys can help a lot discovering the hidden pleasures that await you back there. Either by practicing alone, or playfully with a partner. Here are my favorite toys:

Quick Facts

  • Pain during anal sex is pretty common (maybe also because out of 2400 women surveyed 52 percent were not even using lubrication (Zagreb)). Ouch!
  • There are lots of myths around anal sex especially when it comes to the ugly parts. Just don’t brainwash yourself with those.
  • Pleasurable anal sex does not cause any harm to your anus or rectum. Use your common sense here.
  • There is a huge lack of education around anal sex.
  • Wash fingers and penis after anal sex, before entering the vagina. Common sense again!

Anatomy

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The anus means “ring” in Latin and it controls the expulsion of our food, after the digestive process is finished. There are loads of nerves around and inside the anal canal, which when stimulated can lead to a very intense earthshaking-like orgasm. In Taoism the anal muscle belongs to the same energy unit as the sexual glands. When the sexual glands are strong the anal muscles are strong too.

Know your anatomy and check out your anus with a mirror and a good light source. It appears tight and small but it’s capable of stretching enough to accommodate finger, toys and penis size. At the top of the anus is the rectum, it’s not as sensitive as the anus but some women enjoy the “fullness” that is created during anal play.

So where is it?

I guess this is something we all know. It’s where the sun never shines. Make sure you discover your perineal sponge (PS-spot) which lies between the vagina and rectum, just beneath the perineum (that band of skin between the vaginal opening and the anus). The perineal sponge is a mass of erectile tissue, which means that when it’s stimulated, it fills with blood and becomes engorged, just like a man’s penis and a woman’s clitoris do during arousal.

The best way to stimulate the PS-spot is with a finger(s). Insert your thumb into your vagina and your index finger into your anus. Apply pressure with your thumb in the opposite direction (i.e. on the back lower wall of the vagina) and with your index finger push up. Feel the tissue inbetween.

If you want to try getting at it during intercourse, you could try positions that direct the penis/phallus toward your back wall, such as missionary or woman-on-top with your torsos pressed together — basically, the opposite of what works best for targeting the G-spot, which is doggy style.

For men with a good finger inside the rectum you may massage the prostate gland, which can lead to mind blowing male orgasm, sometimes even without ejaculation.

My experience

Enlightened Elephant

This feels so earthy and vital! My instinct is fearful but once I put this emotion aside and breathe it through, I connect to this animal side in me. Yes, why not the elephant in me which is so strong and intuitive? When I opened up to the idea for anal sex a few years back I was pretty scared of pain and shit disaster. My boyfriend was super supportive here through his patience and softness. I informed myself about it and found some great tools, which helped me personally to overcome my fears. Enema bulb, condom and  toilet paper lying next to me does the trick for me. Actually I got initiated by a lovely woman who taught me the beauty of anal penetration in a tantric yoni massage. She showed me what amazing pleasures this orgasm can have and what a healing effect it has on this shame corner.

Today, when the urge and desire for anal sex arises, I turn into a wild elephant-like animal. It’s like I am setting aside my ego and letting the wild side in me rule the show. I moan deeper, I move stronger and breath like a bull and the sensation of an anal orgasm simply rises to the roof. It’s like a clap of thunder going from down below upwards, earthshakingly strong and intense.

For what is it good for?

To overcome fear. To learn to surrender. To learn to relax. Makes you relaxed towards life. Especially if you live a very correct, tidy and conservative tight-ass lifestyle – a good anal fuck will just make you easy-going.

Anal play for men

Anal play for men can be tremendously liberating. Firstly to overcome all this homophobic believes that has been planted into men’s head, which creates only pain and suffering towards the male gender. Secondly same as for women, men have an tremendous orgasmic nerve system inside their butt. It’s a wonderful potential to experience deep and different kinds orgasms. Plus you’ll unleash the male g-spot (which is the area around the prostate) with anal play. So go ahead. Give it a try.

What others say

Science

They don’t say much. Science seems not to be very interested in anal sex, when studies like this one get published hardly anyone’s head turns. Guess, science seems to be tight-assed around this subject.

Tantra

Anal sex doesn’t get promoted in tantric communities. They claim that it weakens the anal and pelvic muscles and may also lead to a certain energy loss. I personally find that when you train your pelvic muscles including the anus, you’ll develop a strong tightness, but being able to relax this tightness helps you to really control it. It’s a balancing act between tensing and relaxing.

Summary

Be open for the idea to connect with the healing effects of butt-love. Read more about it (except those horror stories). Be patient with yourself and approach this topic in a gentle and trustful manner.  You can train yourself firstly with your fingers massaging your ring, connecting with it. Don’t forget to warm yourself up beforehand. Then if you feel ready you can stretch it a little and discover the inside walls. Note: Again, use enough lubrication. I know these lines feel a bit weird and maybe they trigger some shame in you. It’s just how we associate this part of our body. But hey, aren’t we supposed to love ourselves fully! Yep, this includes also the anus. So love it and let your inner sun shine there too.

There’s a whole lot more to discover. You can also listen to my podcast on Anal Sex in case you love to listen to information.

Go back to the 8 Female Orgasms overview or continue with the next orgasm.

Click here for the video transcript

Hey, I’m Mariah and I’m your sex and orgasm coach. Let’s talk about anal orgasm or how to have wonderful, awesome anal sex. A study has found that 40 to 45 percent of young women and men have been experiencing anal sex. That’s actually 15 percent more than 20 years ago, which I find quite fascinating. Either you hate it and cannot even think about it or you love it. There’s so much polarity around this topic and I feel this is really something we have to talk about, we have to look into but first let’s have a look at anal orgasm. Are they even possible and how do they feel like, also from my own experience. Then we look at the anatomy and how you can have safe and beautiful anal sex from that perspective.

Okay, so are anal orgasms even possible?

Well, everyone is different of course, but if you look at different people’s experiences, they say yes and I personally have also my own experience with it and I can say yes, anal orgasms do exist. How do they feel like? Well, it’s quite an animalistic way of making love. I mean, anal sex is not just about the penetration part, also the whole play part. You include a totally new pleasure organ into your play and the experience with it is actually quite strong and intense because you are playing obviously around your pelvic floor, which by the way, we know there’s so many pleasure nerves, so many nerve endings that want to be aroused and that want to be felt.

The experience can be quite animalistic and strong and intense. Some even would say it might even trigger certain energies, certain energies in the tantric philosophies, where it can awaken and really, really make you very turned on and energies will move up your spine in a very intense way. My own experience is exactly that, that by allowing my partner to enter my anus, by allowing myself to include this into my self play, I realized oh my gosh, there’s so much energy there and energy that wants to be moved.

Let’s have a look at the seven rules for orgasmic and beautiful anal sex.

#1 Rule: Communication

The first one is a very logical one, communication. You want to discuss with your partner how you want to do it, which means for example, if you want to use a condom in the beginning, which I actually recommend for simply your safety and also for just taking it step by step and slowly. You can also, for example, discuss just play with the finger. There’s actually something really, really beautiful out there which is called a finger condom, which you can simply tuck over your finger and then have that protection and which is by the way not just protection physically, but also protection for the mind. Your mind is the one that fears. Your mind is the one that is afraid that something stupid is going to happen, that shit hits the fan and yeah, I mean it literally, so you really, really want to take that gradually. Another rule is trust. I wouldn’t recommend to have anal sex with a one night stand because there’s a natural instinct and especially for women this is very important, but also for men, we have to see that anal muscle, one of the strongest we have in our body, so we really, really want to feel safe and trust, to relax, which is ultimately the most important thing for successful and smooth anal sex.

#2 Rule: Take it Slowly

The next rule is a very important one, it’s taking it slowly. Yes, and you heard me, you want to take it very slowly, which means that first of all, just having a really, really nice foreplay. Maybe you have vaginal sex just to really, really get turned on and stimulated. That’s the best state you want to be in for stepping into anal play. Also from there you want to just play on the outside of your anus and then slowly, slowly start penetrating with only a finger and then going towards bigger penetration with toys or also penal penetration.

#3 Rule: Be Clean

Another rule is, be clean. Yes, you want to make sure before going into anal play that you’re actually feeling clean and that you are clean. For that, you simply have a shower and just go with your finger a little bit inside your anus, wash it out with water and soap and also you can use an anal shower or an anal pump that actually is made for exactly that. After anal sex you really want to make sure to wash your penis, wash your fingers and then you can go ahead with vaginal intercourse or any other play that you want to do.

#4 Rule: Lube it Smooth

One of the biggest rules of anal sex is to lube it smooth. You don’t want to save in lube. Get ready and prepare a lot of lube because anal pain during anal sex can be possible, is actually possible for many individuals who try it out for the first time and just have to get the hang of it. For that, you always need a lot of lube. Even later when you’re more advanced, lube is always necessary because your anus is not going to lube by itself. That’s why you need a lot of it.

#5 Rule: Relax

The next rule is relax. Obviously you’re playing in an area which might not be very comfortable for you in the beginning, so you got to find a way to fully relax. You don’t want to save in lube. Get ready and prepare a lot of lube because anal pain during anal sex can be possible, is actually possible for many individuals who try it out for the first time and just have to get the hang of it. For that, you always need a lot of lube. Even later when you’re more advanced, lube is always necessary because your anus is not going to lube by itself. That’s why you need a lot of it. The next rule is relax. Obviously you’re playing in an area which might not be very comfortable for you in the beginning, so you got to find a way to fully relax. Also because your anus is a muscle and it’s naturally contracting so you have to learn to relax that muscle. In order to do that you can, for example, just lie on your back in the beginning and have your partner penetrate you with a toy or with his penis or finger. While being on the back, lying on the back, that’s the best way of relaxing but maybe there’s another position that you find more easy to actually relax.

#6 Rule: Breathe

The last and final rule but definitely equally important than all the other rules is to breathe. While you are in a relaxed state, while the body is in a relaxed state, you want to make sure you breathe fully all the way down there. By that, I mean that you actually bloat up your belly a little bit and imagine all that oxygen, all that breath goes all the way down there, so you are able to relax and breathe deeper into that. Whether this is something for you or not, I can highly encourage you to go deeper onto this journey. I mean, it’s totally okay not to do it, but if you feel there’s an itch there, if you feel like yes, one day I want to really give that a try, it’s beautiful. It’s amazing to embrace all of our body parts and our anus is an incredible pleasure organ, so go ahead.

Shoot me a message if you’re unclear and I would be happy to support you on this journey. For more information you can check out more of my orgasm videos and also check out my website mariahfreya.com. If you really enjoyed that video, I would love for you to subscribe on my YouTube channel where you will receive all my regular updates. If you’re still excited to maybe be sharing your experience or share also your fears, what’s holding you back to go deeper into that journey and actually try it out, you can comment below in the videos. I would love to hear more from you. Okay, so have a great day. Bye. This was Mariah Freya. Thanks so much.

Images by: torbakhopper, Flickr.