Benefits of Lovemaking During the Daytime

Guestpost by Raffaello Manacorda

Why Shouldn’t we Leave Sex as the Last Thing to Do After a Busy, Tiring Day?

One of the unwelcome consequences of the accelerated lifestyle that so many of us lead, is that sexual activity is often squeezed into the relatively short time span between going to bed and falling asleep, exhausted. Even in books, movies and other cultural products there is a strong association between sexuality and night-time, and most sexual interactions, real or imaginary, take place during the hours of darkness. Like many other things related to sex, this has become a habit, and we rarely consciously choose  the time and place for our most erotic encounters. Nevertheless, switching at least part of our sexual life to the daylight can actually entail many interesting benefits.

“Going to Sleep” = “Making Love”

Good-Morning-Sex

It is no mystery that most couples make love just before falling asleep; this habit is so widespread, that some languages use nearly the same words for “going to sleep” and “making love”. There are certainly a number of reasons for that: the daytime hours are usually dedicated to working or studying, and practically all of our social and recreational activities happen after dinner. The reality for many couples that work and live a “normal” life, is that they often meet only at the end of a very demanding and tiring day. If children are around, it is probably only after they have gone to bed that their parents feel entitled to some intimacy, sexual or not. In the best case scenarios, such busy lovers can share some precious minutes in bed before either of the two collapses into a well-deserved sleep and prepares him or herself for another day of productivity. But whatever reasons there might be for relegating sex to the last position on our daily check-list, the consequences are not always positive.

Sex Needs Energy and Awareness

Like any other complex human activity that involves physical movement and emotional connection, sex requires energy. For example, dancing with a partner is in many ways similar to making love, as it demands presence, energy, connection, surrender and the ability to feel the other fully. Now imagine for a moment that you were a tango dancer, and you enjoyed nothing like a good dance with your favorite partner. Would you arrange to dance just at that moment of the day when you are most exhausted, or would you rather do it when you are full of energy and strength? Or, to give another example: when would you appreciate a beautiful piece of orchestral music more – when you are fully awake and present, or when your attention is slipping into unconsciousness?

Late-night Disappointment

Let’s see what happens in the ordinary sexual life of a couple: we make love just before falling asleep, when we are by definition tired we make love just before falling asleep, when we are by definition tired. This does not improve the quality of our lovemaking, since it makes us less focused and less receptive to all the range of wonderful sensations that we are experimenting with. In particular, men who are practicing some form of sexuality that involves controlling their ejaculation will find it much more difficult if they are tired; if they ejaculate, they will probably do so rapidly and then enter into a deep, sudden sleep – with a predictable disappointment for their partners. One might think that, at least, women and men that enjoy being passive and surrendering themselves to sexuality could actually benefit from these late-night lovemaking sessions. Honestly, I don’t think this works either. True surrender is quite different from passively letting oneself go; surrender requires an active and aware person that consciously decides to abandon herself and to be receptive – not because she is exhausted, but because she wants to fully enjoy abandonment.

So Why Not Try to Make Love More During the Day?

It is not as difficult as it sounds. First of all, there is a simple trick that you could try: instead of making love for half an hour before falling asleep, set your alarm half an hour earlier and make love in the morning set your alarm half an hour earlier and make love in the morning. Easy, right? It only takes a minimum of complicity and the willingness to experiment to take on this very healthy habit. Now, when you wake up in the morning, it could still be dark; if it is, try turning on a nice warm light. Even though you might be used to making love in the obscurity of a dimly lit room, you’ll see that nothing can compare to beholding your lover in his or her full glory, shining with pleasure and happiness. Going a step further, you could start arranging to meet your lover (or lovers) during the day, just to make love between one regular activity and the next one – personally, I feel that the time right after lunch works perfectly.

It’s all about timing

timing your sex life

At first, you might find it a little awkward to program in advance your lovemaking sessions – what about the spontaneity? Isn’t fixing a time going to spoil all the magic? It does not have to. We constantly program pleasurable and fulfilling activities with our friends and loved ones – ranging from going to dinner together, to having an intimate talk, or discussing an important project. Why shouldn’t we also consciously decide to have sex in the best possible location and at the best time, respecting everybody’s schedule and needs? Like all habits, the idea of “having sex only when it happens spontaneously” – which almost inevitably means at the end of the day – can take a while to be unlearned, but it is all for the better. One way or another, I’m sure you won’t find it so difficult to make love during the day if you are convinced that it will allow you to enjoy it more.
 

Love Glowing All Day Long

All things considered, I think there are two opposite perceptions that can influence your choice about the timing and place to best live your sexuality. According to one of them, sex is mainly a relief valve for stress and frustration, a sort of catharsis that enables us to dump part of the negativity and tension that we have accumulated during the day. From this standpoint, it could make sense to make love as the very last thing in our daily life – so that we can then fall asleep as relaxed and “empty” as possible. However, if you are reading this Blog, I highly doubt that you entirely agree with this concept of sex. On the other hand, sex can be lived as a highly energetic exchange that leaves each one of the participants stronger, more active and inspired than before.From this point of view, making love enhances all of our higher faculties, and at the same time makes us kinder, more loving, more present and full of life. From this point of view, making love enhances all of our higher faculties, and at the same time makes us kinder, more loving, more present and full of life. But then, why awaken such a big potential in ourselves, only to go to sleep immediately afterwards? Wouldn’t it be nice if we walked the streets, went to school or to work, interacted with friends and strangers, all of this while still immersed in the afterglow of a beautiful lovemaking session? If this is the case, then my suggestion is – let’s make love more during the morning and afternoon, and let’s spread the love we have thus generated throughout the rest of the day!
 
Pictures by: Matt Romack, Flickr; diazwerks-photos, Flickr.