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Today I am starting with a series I wanted to write much sooner. Because I believe that orgasm research is still tapping more or less in the dark. I used to be very black and white on this. Either I came or I didn’t. But what came in me? Where did it come from? What exactly was the sensation? What sensation made me come? In the following series of articles, I tap into the mysteries of the Big O and discuss with you the different types of orgasms.
Let’s start becoming sex scientists!
Without wanting to create a hierarchy, because, as Naomi Wolf says, “we are all wired differently”. What one would call a deep orgasm, might feel totally different for another. It doesn’t help to label things and say this is a bad orgasm and this is good orgasm. Because as I said what might be a spiritual awakening orgasm for one, might be just a scratch on the surface for the other. Keep in mind it’s a totally subjective experience.
Another proof that orgasms are totally subjective: In a study in 2010, women were asked to describe their orgasms. They came up with 27 different adjectives (Archives of Sexual Behavior). And there are probably 1001 more words to describe an orgasm. So see the following article as a, partly subjective, reflection of the whole.
Today I want to turn all attention to the clitoral orgasm because…
It’s the popstar of orgasms!
Ever thought why clitoral orgasms are so famous?
It’s the most obvious of all! It’s where all nerves are bundled (wow, around 8000 nerves in the tip of the clit alone). It’s where everything starts from. The key. It’s the tip of the iceberg, the cherry on top or the crown of the G-spot. The only organ made by nature for the sole purpose of providing you with pleasurable sensations (there is no other purpose as far as we know).
Do you know the feeling when something in you bursts out, releases and finally pulsates?! Afterwards we feel relaxed, maybe a bit tired, or as Sophia Wallace in her Cliteracy project asks, “Has your lover left you with the clit blues?”
- Clitoris has its origin in the Ancient Greek, derived in Greek from the word key. They might have considered it the key to female sexuality.
- In the 70s women were obsessed with their clit. It became an empowerment symbol for many of the second-wave feminist movement. Singing the chorus “We don’t need men, we have our clitorises”.
- Interestingly, up to now very little is known about what is probably the most sensitive organ a women owns. Only in 2009 were the first 3D images of an erect clitoris published by Dr Buisson & Dr. Folèds.
- The clitoris is the number 1 organ for reaching orgasms (70-80% of women require direct clitoral stimulation.)
- Some woman even undergo the knife to alter their clitorises. The procedure is called “clitoral unhooding” which might heighten sensitivity. (Note: The idea of improving sexuality through surgery might end up in scarring and infections which means no sex life at all.)
I wear a hood; I hide and blush with shyness. To tame me you have to approach me delicately. My name is…Clitoris
As the Greeks called it the key to female sexuality, there is much more to the anatomical part. If you didn’t know, what we see is only the clitoral head (glans) and the hood (above the clitoral entrance). The inside parts are the urethral sponge (where the G-spot is located inside the vaginal canal), erectile tissue, vestibular bulbs and the crus of the clitoris (or the clitoral legs). The whole organ looks pretty much like a penis from the anatomical structure (except for the urethra which I didn’t included in my pretty picture).
So where is it?
If you haven’t naturally played around with it as a child, and sexology courses didn’t gave you a clue? Well, here it comes: It’s an erogenous zone. If you want to see the clitoral glans, you have to expose it by pulling the hood up. Then you’ll see a tiny shape of a pea, which varies in size, depending on the aroused state. This tiny pink gland is the most sensitive part of the clitoris.
Orgasms are subjective. My clitoral orgasms are screamingly loud in sensation. Sharp and red if I needed to paint them. My 3 adjectives that describe a clitoral orgasm would be: explosive, intense, super-hot! What are yours?
Whenever for some reason I feel shy about moaning, I cannot have a clitoral orgasm. CLITORAL ORGASMS ARE LOUD! Normally when my clit gets approached slowly I appreciate the outcome much more. Then I can dive deeper into the key purpose of my clit which is PLEASURE (a lot of it)!
Best orgasm to fulfill your appetite
Just after having a clitoral orgasm, our appetite for sex is mostly fulfilled. Maybe you know this: You are feeling super horny, no one is around… so you stroke your pussy’s tip. Best method to calm down your horniness for sure. Quietness.
What others say or do
Alfred Kinsey was one of the first to criticize Freud’s theory that clitoral orgasms are prepubertal. He declared the clitoris to be the main center of female sexual pleasure due to the much higher amount of nerve endings he found in the clitoris compared to the vagina. He also discovered that most women could not have vaginal orgasm. Since then Masters and Johnson, as well as Shere Hite, supported Kinsey’s findings. Helen O’Connell, was the one who started the discourse around medical professionals. She found that the G-spot (sitting on the vaginal wall) is the root of the clitoris. Buisson and Foldès demonstrated in 2008 that erectile tissues of the clitoris surround the vagina, so that clitoral stimulation is necessary to achieve vaginal orgasms.
Takeaway: Sexual science is still in its infancy. They underline the clitoris as the center of female sexuality (Well, this is what makes most come, right?)
Tantric tradition: they want more
The tantric tradition would say: “After clitoral orgasm you have just wasted some precious libido”. They point out that our libido is our vital force. If we calm our sexual appetite, it means our vitality has also calmed down. In this case they speak of “explosive orgasms” with loss of vital life energy. As many tantric male practitioners avoid ejaculation, many female tantric practitioners try not to have clitoral orgasms in order to avoid this energy loss. Instead they try to maintain their libido, in order to channel it into their yoga or spiritual practice.
What the tantric tradition recommends is: Instead of orgasming through the stimulation of your clit only, also use the root of the clit, the G-spot and other inner parts, to come. While stroking your clit, incorporate the G-spot too and bring the pleasure sensation inside your vagina. This way you are directing the orgasmic pleasures towards the inside.
I don’t like it when parts of female sexuality get demonized, which sometimes happens in tantric communities. I have to admit for me personally, that I often experience a certain low vitality after clitoral orgasms. So what I do is, I love my clit and I have clitoral orgasms once in a while but I try not to only focus on them.
Takeaway: Love your clit! And be aware what happens after a clitoral orgasm. What you do with this knowledge is your choice. Spoiler: There’s more to discover.
Orgasmic Meditation: The clit strokers
Coming from a very different background, the Orgasmic Meditation (OM) community promotes a practice, where your partner strokes the left quadrant (from the women’s perspective) every day for 15 minutes. They advise doing it really slooowly in order to learn to feel. It’s a beautiful practice for couples. It doesn’t have a goal per se, the only job for both partners is to feel.
Takeaway: This is a nice practice for everyone who likes to connect to their clitoris without pushing towards anything. It’s just about feeling the sensation.
To put it in a nutshell, the clit is one of the most famous magic buttons in women’s sexuality. There is surely a lot to explore on the sensation front.
Homework: Try to explore the stroking sensation with and without the hood. Explore the area around the hood. Try different sensations (hot, cold, metal, feather, massage ball). Massage your clit with some coconut oil for a smooth slide. Explore the G-spot too, as it’s the root of the clitoris and the direct connection to your deeper insides.
Instead of rubbing it quickly off, until it hurts, let’s acknowledge our clit in a more slow and conscious way. It’s a gift made by nature.