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Do you know the feeling when you are holding back from true connection? This can be in daily-life communication with your friends, in meeting strangers, and also in the bedroom with your partner. The reason is always the same: Shame.
The beautiful city of Barcelona, and talking to many “strangers” inspired me to talk more on how to deal with shame. It’s crucial that we don’t continue to ignore this sensation. I’d like to encourage you shedding light on it and deal with shame, with the help of those three steps.
If you prefer reading over watching, here’s the transcript:
Hi guys, this is Mariah and today, I would like to talk to you about a very dark topic. It’s called Shame. I know it’s very nasty and everyone experiences once in their lifetime on many times and I would just like to bring light to that shadow that we all try to hide. We’d like to speak to you as well about how can you break shame so you can actually connect with others.
Even though we’d like to talk to you about this darkness, actually I’m in this beautiful city in Barcelona. Sun is shining, people are so relaxed. It was just a few days ago on that conference where I connected with other guys and they noticed that I would hold myself back. I would hold myself back from connecting with strangers but maybe beautiful people that bring me an amazing enlightenment and new ideas for my blog, new ideas for my business. Somehow that chain was holding me back.
There’s also that aspect, especially when it’s about sex in our most intimate part in our lives, that part where we show our self. When we are naked in front of somebody. That’s so vulnerable and that’s especially when shame also comes up and bridge is, again, standing in the way of connecting with your lover and connecting with the one you really want to engage with.
As a sex coach, I experience this also in my own sex life. When I’m connecting with my partner and I don’t feel so good in my body and I’m standing naked in front of him and, “Oh my God.” Suddenly, I feel this tightness, this emotional closure and suddenly I just want to cover myself and not show myself anymore.
Ultimately, I would like to connect with somebody, right? I would like to connect my lover fully. There is this in between that shame that’s blocking me from truly connecting that I ultimately want. What can we do with this? How can we deal with shame in order to overcome that blockage that ultimately let’s us connect with other people, let’s us connect with the ones we love?
There’s three things you can do.
First, acknowledge the shame. Shame is simply an emotion and once you actually feel into this emotion and say, “Oh, that’s shame. Okay, now, I’m actually feeling ashamed. Hello shame.” There you go, acknowledge.
Don’t let shame make the decisions
Second point that we can do to go through shame and actually connect with other people and really find that intimacy that you’re yearning for is don’t let shame make the decisions. What does that mean? Actually, you are riding your motorcycle. You should always decide what you do. If I’m feeling afraid to actually shoot this video, I anyway do it even though I feel ashamed right now. Don’t let it take on the actions. Don’t let it decide what you do.
The third aspect, and that’s very, very powerful one is communicate it. Whenever I connect with some strangers or on the weekend with somebody where I felt, “Oh my God, this guy is doing so well and compared to me. How can I serve him? What can I tell him?” It’s about communication. It’s about actually saying, “Hey, I feel a bit nervous right now approach you, but that’s okay.”
The moment you say that and the moment you tell even your lover that you’re ashamed showing him your naked body, there is a vulnerability there which actually blows through that shame and makes immediately connect that person. Of course, communicating it means also that it has to be in a safe environment that you’re not being judged for that. Of course, you want to surround yourself with great people that don’t judge you.
Make sure that whenever you fill that shame, acknowledge it. Don’t let it make your decision and finally, communicate it really, really … Say it, “I feel ashamed.” Okay guys, I hope you enjoyed this video and that you learned to transform your shame and breakthrough this barrier that ultimately makes you connect more with people and connect ultimately with yourself.
If you want to learn more from me, if you want to stay connected, first of all, comment below. Make sure you let me know how you are dealing with shame and then you can also hop on my website, http://MariahFreya.com and subscribe to my newsletter to stay in contact with me, stay tuned and get regular updates. Much love to you guys.