Here’s a little big truth we don’t discuss as much as we should: many women feel little to not much at all inside their vagina.
The percentage of women who never reach orgasm from intercourse alone varies from study to study. And this syndrome, commonly known as numb vagina, is making the world of female sexuality crazy for a hundred years.
We’re Not Alone (It’s a World-Wide Problem)
My colleague Ma Ananda Sarita reminded me of this: When Freud mentioned (without much scientific proof) that woman who only orgasm clitorally are immature, the whole world started to panic.
Trying to figure out how women can orgasm vaginally created an intense pressure for lovers on a global scale. And right up to the present day, the belief that a vaginal orgasm is the ‘right’ and ‘mature’ kind of orgasm is still out there.
In this article, I don’t want to put the clitoris and her incredible ability to orgasm down for judgement or praise. I don’t want to compare clitoral and vaginal orgasms, either. I simply want to point out the fact that numb vaginas are the unfortunate (and not very often tackled) status quo.
A Few Questions For You:
How can you tell if your vagina is responding fully? I mean, did you ever think about it?
It’s not like you could try out another vagina to see the difference. Maybe you noticed some parts of your vagina are feeling numb. But how would you even know if they were?
We don’t have a tradition of women gathering in sacred spaces to talk freely and frankly about their bodies, their sexuality, and their sexual responses. And we don’t get the chance either to understand more about orgasms through guided self-pleasure rituals or gynecological education.
As a result, each woman has to blunder around, gathering information almost by accident.
I personally didn’t feel much during sex.
If you had asked me eight years back, I would’ve said that orgasm is something that happens by luck for me. If my clitoris was stroked in the right way, with the right rhythm while my partner is inside of me, there might’ve been a chance to come.
I didn’t even realize back then that my clitoris was the ‘one’ area that was giving me pleasure. Only until I tapped into Tantra, I realized that there is much more to discover. So I started to de-armor and let go of my numbness step by step, but not only to reach other or better kind of orgasms.
In a deeper level, I did it to let go of certain traumas and tensions that my pussy stored inside, which were the primary cause of the numbness in the first place.
Numbness Is Holding Us Back From Sexual Plenitude
After I realized all that I had been missing for not being really in touch with my vagina, I realized the main problem with vaginal numbness is that there is a sense of shame around it.
Like Mr. Freud somehow managed to put in the subconscious of all women that we’re failing if we’re not able to reach a vaginal orgasm. And instead of taking the awareness of being numb as an opportunity to offer love and healing to our body, we choose to ignore the issue.
We need to break the silence, and send the message out there that vaginal numbness is nothing that we should be ashamed of. And that, with the right techniques to reconnect to our sensitivity, it is something that we can leave completely behind.
Three Different Ways in Which Your Vagina Can Feel Numb
There are extreme cases of vaginal numbness, where the woman feels nothing other than a bit of pressure when any part of her vagina is stimulated. In this extreme case, women generally become aware that their sexual response is different from other women, because they experience no pleasure at all from penetrative sex.
Less well-known, however, is partial numb vagina syndrome. This is where a region of the vagina is numb, or certain spots, but other parts respond normally. This is something I experienced. And I didn’t even realize it until I had a Yoni Massage where my partner would map the inner tissues of my vagina to check whether I felt something or not.
And lastly, a numb vagina can also be associated with other symptoms, such as tension and pain in the pelvic area.
Vaginismus is the official term for the condition in which penetrative sex causes pain. The muscles around the vagina go into spasm when anything enters the vagina opening. Similar to an eye that blinks when you try to touch it.
If you are experiencing strong pain during sex and have a tendency to spasm, you may want to consult a doctor and find ways to release and relax the tension that is stored in your body.
But for the not-too-severe cases of vaginal numbness, the 6 healing steps that I want to share with you in this article can work wonders. Although first, of course, we need to talk about how to become aware of the numb spots we’re going to heal.
How to detect numb parts in your vagina?
You can start by working around all parts of the vagina, point by point, and check whether or not you have sensation at each point.
It can be difficult to reach all the parts of the vagina unassisted. You can enlist the help of a partner, or invest in a therawand or a dildo to help you reach the deeper parts of the vagina yourself.
Professional therapists practicing yoni massage can also help you to identify any areas of numbness in your vagina.
Simply going through the process of systematically touching each and every point in the vagina will already stimulate the brain to make a better connection with the nerves in the vagina.
A regular practice of yoni massage will gradually and gently increase circulation and awareness in the vagina. Once you have mapped all the numb areas in your vagina, you’re ready to move on with the core of this practice.
6 Steps to Heal Numb Spots in Your Vagina
Remember that numbness in the vagina is there for a reason. Be gentle with yourself, and allow your body to unwind itself at its own pace.
You want to focus on all of the numb spots, rather than ignoring them. You can start with a Self Yoni Massage, by gently pressing with a dildo on the numb areas. Usually, numbness turns into pain (which is the first level of de-armouring), and pain transforms into pleasure if you keep present with the process.
Note: Pushing for fast results will most likely be counterproductive.
Take all the time you need for really listening to the response of your vagina as every single numb spot receives attention. Make sure to visualize in your head the exact area that is receiving pressure at that point, and focus on sending loving and positive energy to that specific area.
Your goal should never be to force yourself to experience pleasure, or to erase all forms of pain and numbness in a single session. It’s better if you think of this practice as an ongoing relaxation for your body and your spirit.
If you take up the habit to make some time for yourself, and consciously enjoy this kind of massage without any expectations, you’ll start to feel more and more connected to your vagina. Soon you’ll realize how sensations start to grow, and you’ll notice positive changes in your emotions, your sex drive, and your ability to experience pleasure with a partner.
To make the process much more effective, here are the 6 steps that can guide you along the way:
1. Examine your sexual programming
Most of us are programmed with repressive ideas about sexuality. Subconscious beliefs that sexual pleasure is wrong, sexuality is evil or dirty, or sexual desire is dangerous, can all cause us to subconsciously shut down sensation in the vagina.
2. Review your sexual habits
Have you always cherished your sensitive “inner child” during sex, or have you sometimes pushed yourself to do things you don’t want to do? Have you allowed partners to penetrate you before you were fully ready? Have you used artificial lubricants to enable sex at times when your body wasn’t prepared for it?
Have you been abused or assaulted? Do you have sex for the sake of peace, at times when you don’t feel emotionally connected?
Any of these patterns can lead to a numb vagina.
3. Take time for solo practice
Your sexuality is first and foremost a relationship between you and yourself. There is no greater purpose to your sexual pleasure than to bring you into close connection with your own soul.
It can be deeply healing to set aside half an hour a day, or an hour every few days, and to really go deep with yourself, doing only the exact thing that you want to do at every moment. This is not a goal-oriented practice – don’t try to orgasm, or to feel any particular sensation.
Simply explore, get to know your body and your sexual response, and experience the wide variety of sexual pleasure that your body can enjoy.
You may also benefit from jade egg practice, where you insert a Yoni egg into the vagina and move it around, using the muscles of the pelvic floor.
4. Choose supportive sexual partners
Sexual partners who are impatient, self-centered, or goal-oriented can create stress and tension, and may even make a numb vagina worse. Choose a sensitive, caring, gentle partner, who will take all the time you need, and who will enjoy exploring with you.
5. Create a supportive environment
Make every sexual experience a sensory feast. Light candles, burn incense or spray delicious scents on the sheets, play uplifting music, and arrange the room so that it looks beautiful. Your logical mind may say that this is all a waste of time and money, but your subconscious mind will register the message “you deserve beautiful sensations”.
6. Enjoy the journey
The journey to sexual empowerment is fascinating, with many twists and turns. Don’t be afraid to cry, to scream, to watch incredible visions unfold in your mind’s eye … you never know what you will discover about yourself when you start to explore those numb areas.
Sexual energy is a powerful healing force. When you liberate your sexual pleasure, you free up an enormous amount of creative energy in your life.
Don’t be in a hurry to reach some final destination. It is the unexpected twists and turns along the way that will bring you the greatest gifts.