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Let me share with you one fragment of my personal story. Ten years ago the old me used to feel highly insecure when looking into the mirror.
The inner voice I was tuned to said: “Oh girl, you are way too skinny – look at that non-existing ass and your flat breasts. And your nose is way too big; don’t you wanna do something about this? Phew, your acne scars are deep as a volcano, they look very unsexy. And the way your body moves, gosh, way too clumsy, you are so not feminine.”
It makes me feel quite vulnerable to share this with you. This is truly one of my unfiltered head blah-blahs.
Wasn’t I hard on myself back then?! Others would call me so lucky having my body and my state of health. Still, the mind is freaking clever and will always find something imperfect if we let it, and especially if we listen to it.
Yesterday I had a camera shoot for the Inspirational Women’s Calendar (you’ll be hearing more about this project very soon). You know, I’ve never modeled before.
I did once apply to an agency because people told me to (“you are so tall you have to model”); but they didn’t take me due to my strong acne (at least that’s what my mind is telling me).
Anyways, before I hopped on the bike driving to the shoot I had a quick glimpse in the mirror. And guess what, the voice I used to hear wasn’t there anymore. Gone, puff, disappeared. The only thing I saw was me!
I realized that your self-image can become highly distorted if you continue listening to this kind of mind non-sense. What is yours saying? Are you still listening to it?
The photographer told me yesterday that his clients choose the weirdest photos of themselves. Because they select from that mind chatter filter. And those images where their natural beauty stands out are usually not very attractive in their opinion.
So you might wonder what I did to let go of that chatter. And it’s not like it’s gone, it’s just not the voice I am tuned into anymore as if I had switched to another radio station.
My secret sauce: I have a self-love shower.
A shower that is dedicated to myself, consciously acknowledging my body in its fullest me modus. Stroking my skin, oiling and nourishing it. And touching it as if it was the last time.
Check out my video above to see exactly how that works.
I have to share this with you guys. Since I know, since I can think, I’m naturally a very skinny girl, and folks used to call me bean stake, or skinny stick, or you know, ways to express how skinny I was. I know that the ideal body type is being skinny, and I know that I’m super lucky to fit into that ideal body type, what media is framing as the ideal body type, but I realized when children were kind of picking at me due to my skinniness, that I saw that skinniness as a weakness. I saw that skinniness as something like, “Oh, my body is weak, my body is sickly, there’s something wrong with me, why you can see all my bones, my ribs?” It doesn’t matter how much I eat, you can still see all of those bones and I hated it.
Literally, for me, for a very long time I really shied away. I’m quite tall, I’m around 177cm tall, and I tried to make myself smaller, I ducked my head, I curved my shoulders inwards, everything in me wanted to be smaller, wanted to be not seen, invisible. If I wanted to choose a super power, I wanted to be invisible, being so skinny, that nobody could see me. That’s how I felt, like nobody actually would see me. Naturally I chose girlfriends that were much bigger than me, much more confident and going out there, this was my ideal, I still love to have women who are voluptuous, just because it feels so good, it feels so nourishing. I totally disrespected my body, I treated it as such, and as you can see in the background there is a swan that I think fits perfectly into what I’m sharing today, there’s the story of the ugly swan, the ugly little swan, that baby that hasn’t realized yet that it’s about to transform into this beautiful swan. I feel like this is really something where we can decide whether we live our lives accepting our body, or hating our body. Accepting ourselves and our body.
I actually feel that when we start accepting the body, we accept also ourselves. There is a much deeper truth to that, even though we start on the surface, we obviously start on the physical material, the physical plane, but we can take it deeper from there. What I discovered in the last week was something so exciting to see, and it was also part of the Awakened Women Conference where I worked with the women around stepping into their true self. Somebody is actually chopping here some coconut I think, I hope you can still hear me. Anyway, so I dropped into a plane where I realized, oh my gosh, it’s not anymore so much about the mental sphere of how to tackle self-love. Often we try to approach things in a mental way, like figuring it out mentally, figuring out, “What do I need to do to love myself? Okay, I need to accept that voice maybe inside of my head, or I need to face that emotion.” There is a lot here, and when I started working with those women I realized, oh my gosh, I need to skip that mental part. It’s not anymore figuring it out, it’s actually feeling it.
What I was doing is simply making the women aware, and right now your hands are somewhere lying on your lap, maybe they are, I don’t know, just like that, or I don’t know, maybe you’re touching your belly or your hands are sitting somewhere on your body, right? Use your hands, because your hands are actually one of the most sensitive organs, you feel, your fingers tips are the most sensitive, most precise organs on your body. You will probably feel the most in those finger tips. Use your finger tips, your full hand, to really connect to that body part. I’m just showing it up here so you can see, to really connect, I’m fully entering into my hand with my mind. I’m using the mind as a tool, as a way of connecting, and once I feel connected with my hand, I start noticing how it’s connected on my skin, how the hand is touching my skin, how those fingers tips are touching my skin, my whole palm connected, just lying there.
There’s a beauty in this, there’s a beauty in this connection between yourself and yourself, yourself and your body, yourself and your most precious temple that holds your soul, that provides you with life. Really go there, bring your mind to that connection and feel that connection. Maybe it’s a bit sweaty, I’m in Bali right now, so there is a bit of sweat there, a bit of humidity, that’s fine, just go there and feel. From that feeling, gently come back, from that feeling of connectedness I would like you to invite to live this day, live today, from this day of connection, live this day from a place of touch. I’m pretty sure you’re going to have a shower today, so that’s the best way of actually integrating what you just experienced into your daily life.
For example, have a shower, I call this the self-love shower, have a shower, stand under it and feel the water touching you, feel it slowly pouring over you, flowing over you. Then, when you put some soap on your body, instead of rubbing it really fast in a practical, pragmatic way, do it slowly and gently. Really move into this space of connection, touch, self love, and from that space you suddenly become really present with what is your body, your soul, and from this place, from what is, you enter into a natural authentic space of self-love. There is no more mental stuff needed, there is no more to-dos, or tasks that are necessarily for self-love, it’s only that being-ness, only that here. I am here, I am here for you. When you go into that self-love shower, really take the time to wash yourself, to touch your body in a sensual way, in a slow and nourishing way.
Maybe when you’re finished, you can use some beautiful oils. I use, for example, rose oil that resonates with the heart chakra. That rose oil is nourishing you, it’s opening up, and instead of again rubbing fast and really practical, rub it gently, rub it sensually, rub it in a way you would like your lover to massage you, to nourish you and from that space, when you project that also, how you want to be treated, treat yourself that way and you will see all of those self love things fall into place. You notice that life becomes more of an experience through your body, and for example also eating food can be a total orgasmic pleasure. Eating really slowly and really taking that in, taking all those senses in. Using the senses for your own sensuality, for your sensual self love.
I’m very excited to hear from you how that self love shower goes for you, and what are you doing to love yourself more, to step into your body self love? What is it that you do right now or maybe have experienced in the past that helps you? I would love to hear your comments below, and make sure if you enjoyed this video to subscribe to my YouTube channel. Thanks so much, and have a wonderful, sensual self love day.